Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Randomize
