Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
