i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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