ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
