i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
