we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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