I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
