great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
