Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
