Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
