And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
