anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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