At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
