i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
