I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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