apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
