I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
