Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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