actually, I'm a sock model
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
