you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
