I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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