4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
