Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
