I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
