You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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