i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
