Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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