I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
