I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
