Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
farters have to be the big spoon...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Did we literally take a cab across the street
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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