Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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