you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
