if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
