Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
