Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
