I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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