one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
