Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
