i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
