We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
