At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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