Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
