I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
