if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
