Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
