Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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