Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
They took my balls.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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