At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
