Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
