I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I want her autograph on my taint
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize