and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
