Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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