the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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