we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
