Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
