i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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