Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
