i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize