take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize