what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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