is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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