i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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