he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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