I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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