Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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